Another Day...

Today isn't the greatest day for me. I woke up in so much pain. My stomach, my back, my whole body is hurting today and to top it off I just feel nauseous. I haven't been sleeping very well lately either. I was talking to Irie the other night before bed, and I was being honest when I told him that I feel like im quickly getting worse. Sometimes I feel like my body is just shutting down on me. I hate not having control over my own body, it really sucks. however even though I am in so much pain, I cant give up thinking that there is hope for me. Sometimes it is hard to stay positive, but I do know that thinking positively is very important. I have always been a happy person for the most part, but like anyone, I get down on myself sometimes. Since first having the Endometriosis pains, I have wondered why me? why is my body failing me? why cant I get pregnant? I felt like a failure. Now I have to really start thinking positively. I have 19 days until I go back to the doctor and I cant wait. I have a lot of questions written down to ask her so I don't forget. When she told me I had Endometriosis at my last appointment I was in too much shock I think to ask any questions. Anyway, not much of a post. I just thought I would write just to vent today. I am going to attempt to do the dishes and clean the house before my wonderful husband gets home. hopefully get a nap or two in today. I'm so exhausted.

Endo? is that you?

So for the past week or so, the pain has gotten so much worse. most days I can barely move. I am so sick of waiting. The military hospital i go to for my OB/GYN is in furlough right now so it takes forever to get an appointment. I am so sick of being exhausted from the moment that I wake up until I go to sleep. Have you ever heard of "the spoon theory"? I first heard about it when I heard of people dealing with Lupus. Its the idea of having a handful of spoons and every time you do something, even as simple as brushing your teeth, or doing the dishes, you take a spoon away. this represents your energy. the thing is that this applies to Endo also. Im just lucky enough that on any special occasion, it seems that those are the days when I hurt most. Today is my 3rd year wedding anniversary, we arent doing anything today because we decided to wait until this weekend. but today is still a very special day for my husband and I and of course i have been crying all day sitting in pain. When my husband is at work I dont have to hide how much pain im in. but when he gets home i try to save him from having to deal with me. I know he doesnt mind. I know he hates that there isnt anything he can do for me to ease the pain. he is just concerned, I get it. this sucks. I really try to be optimistic but it isnt always easy. sometimes im sick of saying im okay, or ill be fine. deep down im really freaking out sometimes. I just want to be okay. I just want to feel normal again.
well, im going to go lay down now before my husband comes home. maybe gain a little energy to have a relaxing night at home with the love of my life!

A,B,C,D,Endometriosis

So, I want to take a moment today to explain what Endometriosis is, because I know alot of people arent aware yet.
Before the diagnosis, I had heard of endometriosis, but it wasn't until I did my own research that i really understood what it is.
 So, there are cells that line your uterus, they are called the Endometrium. Well, when these cells grow in other areas in the body, most commonly the abdomen, fallopian tubes, bladder, and ovaries. The endometrium even when outside of your uterus sheds during your menstrual cycle, meaning you have internal bleeding. when Endometriosis grows in places like your fallopian tubes it can block your body from releasing eggs each month, meaning you cant get pregnant without fertility help.

some of the symptoms that I get are:
 •sharp pain in my lower abdomen/pelvis
 •pain during sex
 •exhaustion- i am so tired constantly, but when it comes to going to sleep at night im too uncomfortable to sleep!
 •painful and weak bladder control- you wouldnt think, but this is one of my most hated parts of the Endo.
 •I also get painful bowel movements.
I am not sure what stage of Endo I have yet, so far, the treatments that I have as options so far is birth control, which my doc doesnt want to put me on because we are TTC. So the next option was Clomid, which is a common fertility aid. but in order for them to send me to a fertility specialist I have to lose weight, so im working on that in the meantime. The next options are to try different medications until the pain goes away. Anyone who knows me will tell you im stubborn and impatient. being this way im trying my hardest to push for the Laprascopy  surgery for Endo. For alot of women the surgery will work for a couple months then their pain will come back just the same as before. I am willing to take the risk though and pray that it works the first time around so that I can get pregnant soon after.

so there is my explination of Endometriosis, i know it could be better but it could also be a lot longer too! :)

INTRO...

So i started a blog so that i can let people know my story. I am 23 years old and married to an amazing man. we dont have any kids yet, however we have been trying for the last three years to get pregnant. About five or six years ago i started having this really sharp, extreme pain in my pelvis. I have had multiple people tell me its just ovulation pains, or “you are just having a bad period, thats all.” Well we all know our own bodies and I knew something was really wrong with me when the pain started coming all through the month, and not just during my period or ovulation. I am a very stubborn person and never went to the doctor for it because all my paps always came back normal. Well the pain started getting worse and worse, and about January, the pain was daily. My husband had come home from Afghanistan in November, and when he realized the pains i was having he also knew something wasnt right, so he forced me to go to the doctor. Test after test, she couldnt find anything wrong with me. It has been months, and I have been extremely discouraged and let down that she couldnt find anything. I felt like a lot of friends, family, and doctors thought that I was imagining how bad it was. since I dont “look” sick. Finally, my doc sent me to the OB/GYN to see a specialist, I was excited because I felt like we were finally getting somewhere. So, my appointment with the OB was on june 25, 2013, it hurts going in there and seeing all of the happy pregnant women. Im happy for them but i get extremely jealous. anyway, so finally im called back, do vitals, get weighed, and all that good stuff then the doctor comes in asks about my pains, periods, trying to conceive, and what my pain level was at. On a 1-10 scale on a daily basis i pretty much sit at a 7.5. My doctor then gave me one of those beloved pelvic exams, which if you’ve had them, you know how cold and uncomfortable they are. At this point in all my doctors visits i thought i had cysts on my ovaries, however an ultrasound said i was all good of course. So when the doc told me I have Endometriosis, I was in shock, I was hurt, and I was angry. but I was also glad to have an answer. At this point I had heard of endometriosis but i wasnt too familiar with it. my doctor said that it can be treated with birth control, but since i am TTC she isnt sure what she wants to do. so instead of giving me more answers she sends me on my way with my next appointment on july 31st. so I have been waiting. In the mean time I have been doing my research. I have a lot of new questions, and requests for my doctor when I go back. I am still nervous about it all. Anyway, I will be posting through out my journey. I am new to this blog thing so bare with me. I will try to post often about doctors appointments, outcomes, pain and anything else that has to do with Endometriosis, and my journey.