Wednesday, July 10, 2013

Endo? is that you?

So for the past week or so, the pain has gotten so much worse. most days I can barely move. I am so sick of waiting. The military hospital i go to for my OB/GYN is in furlough right now so it takes forever to get an appointment. I am so sick of being exhausted from the moment that I wake up until I go to sleep. Have you ever heard of "the spoon theory"? I first heard about it when I heard of people dealing with Lupus. Its the idea of having a handful of spoons and every time you do something, even as simple as brushing your teeth, or doing the dishes, you take a spoon away. this represents your energy. the thing is that this applies to Endo also. Im just lucky enough that on any special occasion, it seems that those are the days when I hurt most. Today is my 3rd year wedding anniversary, we arent doing anything today because we decided to wait until this weekend. but today is still a very special day for my husband and I and of course i have been crying all day sitting in pain. When my husband is at work I dont have to hide how much pain im in. but when he gets home i try to save him from having to deal with me. I know he doesnt mind. I know he hates that there isnt anything he can do for me to ease the pain. he is just concerned, I get it. this sucks. I really try to be optimistic but it isnt always easy. sometimes im sick of saying im okay, or ill be fine. deep down im really freaking out sometimes. I just want to be okay. I just want to feel normal again.
well, im going to go lay down now before my husband comes home. maybe gain a little energy to have a relaxing night at home with the love of my life!

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